We left Coral Beach in a rush. Kalleron discovered how to free Kaela, and when she was eating Katryol noticed smoke in the distance. He went out to check on things and came back to tell us that a mob was attacking the militia and weren’t very friendly towards us, either. As soon as Kaela was ready we left the inn but came to an impasse at the two bridges. Both were covered in militia, and after some discussion Stormlit used her Veil to get us past. Katryol’s quick tongue was the other factor getting us through, although he can’t lie quite as good as Aunt Shira.
We arrived at the ship to find my marines and the sailors at each other’s throats, but the marines stood down as we boarded. Apparently the sailors wanted to weigh anchor without us, but my marines stood their ground.
We pushed off for Lencia, but on the way out of the harbor I spotted the three Eladrin watching us from the lighthouse. I want to meet them again, although I know Kalleron will tell me no if I ever mention it. I can’t just let things stay as they are, though. But they made no move to attack us, and we set out in safety.
I don’t believe the sea sits well with Katryol. He spent most the first day being sick, and though he hasn’t said as such I think he can’t swim. I tried to help him, but I’m not sure I did anything. I’m still not completely at ease around him. Before, when Kalleron was freeing Kaela, we had a brief talk, and I found it hard to fully answer his questions. I left a lot unsaid.
Once I helped Katryol to our cabin so he could rest, I went searching for Kaela and Kalleron. He was still explaining the past couple days to her, and I found them in a small room talking to a hooded figure. The man looked at me, and he seemed nothing more than a middle-aged human until Kalleron told me he was K’Rul, the god in their shared dream. He told us how to find my Lady Mother, although Kalleron already knew. I understand him being angry at me—I still can’t bring myself to apologise to her as it is—but to hide something that important? Why would he think that was alright? Apparently the only way to reach her is to go through a god’s palace, or warren, so we can reach Nightchill’s. And the only one we can go through is K’Rul’s, but his warren is back at the end of his Age.
I still don’t fully understand it, but to reach Nightchill now, we have to go back to K’Rul’s time. And the only way to get there is to sacrifice human lives. Did Kalleron know that part, too? How are we even supposed to make a choice like that? Still, I all but agreed to it, and the god gave Kalleron the rune we’ll need to do it before he simply disappeared. Katryol found us not long after, and while we were all fighting about what to do, I left to tell the Captain to sail to an island K’Rul told us about. If I am to sacrifice others, I can’t let it be those under my command. I let so many of them die already, I can’t willingly take their lives. I don’t think Katryol understands that, and I don’t care that he doesn’t. It’s easier if I don’t know their faces, if I don’t know their names. Somehow I can convince myself it’s alright, then.
But I really do think I’m losing sight of myself. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to relax, and this new burden keeps eating away at me. I went to Stormlit to ask her about her meditation in the hope it really can help me. Her voice is gone though, so she spent our entire conversation writing things to me. She told me that to change things you have to focus on them, identify them, and then study them. I still don’t really understand how that will help. I’m thinking about things too much. I don’t think like she does at all. But she told me to find my element, and after a few hours I came to the idea that water might be my element. I’m still not sure how that helps, although Stormlit did her best to explain things to me. …I think she did, anyway. I don’t think I really understand what she was trying to tell me.
There’s too many things, actually, that I don’t know about her. I think she believes she’s not really a part of this group, though, and that’s not right at all. She’s proven herself more than enough times, and I consider her a friend despite the fact she’s still mostly a mystery. And though I make an awful student, I hope she’ll continue to train me.
We reached the island within a couple days, and I forced my marines to return to Lencia without us. The sergeant wasn’t happy but he finally agreed, and I gave him a letter to give to Lady D’Urinda, telling her what happened in Coral Beach. I hope she won’t be too angry. I wouldn’t blame her, though. I still don’t know how I’m going to go through with this plan. Even Stormlit’s meditations aren’t helping take away the guilt. The ship we’re taking is huge, and there are so many passengers…
This has to be the right path, though. It has to be.